Abilene, Abilene prettiest town I've ever seen

A few weeks ago, I had to spend the weekend in Abilene for work.  It was Sing Song weekend so mom and I packed Graham up and we headed out.  I was so lucky that my mom was able to take off work for a few days so she could come with me and take care of sweet Graham....I had to beg her, you know ;).  We had a great time shopping, working, relaxing and introducing Graham to a place that's near and dear to my heart. 

 Mom sent me this picture while I was working on Friday.  He was so happy to be spending time with her!

 On Friday afternoon, Graham got to meet his sweet friend, Cora.  She's precious and I'm so glad they got to meet!  Forgive the ACU rain poncho...the weather was terrible, as always, for Sing Song weekend.

 Saturday was spent shopping and ReeRees got to wear G in his baby carrier.  Don't they look cute?!?!

 Oh gosh, we went shopping for an outfit for Graham to wear for Easter.  This is just a preview of what we found.  He's the preacher's kid, you know, so he has to look his finest on Easter.  He'll be sporting his new seersucker suit!  CANNOT WAIT! 

I just love this video.  Sweet Graham loves his ReeRees...and she's pretty fond of him too!  Thanks, Mom for taking off work and enjoying Abilene with us.  Love you dearly!  Graham loved his first Sing Song experience.  He sat on my lap through the entire first act and just laughed and smiled.  It was precious.  I can't wait to for many more trips to Abilene for sweet Graham!

A Risk...A day in the life of a preacher's wife

I've been doing some research and reading lately on the role of a minister's wife.  No lie...it's a tough (second) job.  Many days it's rewarding, many days it's incredibly blessed, but some days it's hard and some days it's lonely.  I was reading on Dan Bouchelle's blog, he's a mentor to Clint and has been in ministry for some years.  It's risky to put this out there, but he says so well what I feel some days...and I'd imagine your preacher's wife feels the same.  I'd like to echo that this isn't meant to be whiny...just a glimpse into our lives. 

I've copied his entry, but you can read his full blog at: www.danbouchelle@blogspot.com

While I have only worked for three churches in a full-time capacity, I have interviewed with quite a few. Once, when my wife Amy and I were interviewing with a church for a preaching job, Amy asked what were the expectations of her if we were to get the job. The elders, elders’ wives, and search committee members looked at each other nervously as if they had never thought about this before. There was a long awkward pause before someone finally said, “It would be nice if you would just smile and talk to people.” That elicited a lot of laughter which indicated a back-story that was unknown to us. It seems the previous preacher’s wife was considered to be an angry, unfriendly woman who only spoke to a tiny group of trusted friends and treated everyone else with neglect or contempt. My guess is that this perspective was exaggerated and skewed by a variety of events. Never-the-less, it is not uncommon for ministers wives to struggle with feelings of anger and resentment toward the church. Why might that be? In the spirit of understanding and maybe reducing the pressures a little, I write the following at the risk of sounding whiny again.

1. The church assumes that it is hiring a whole family. Every search committee lies and some of them even know it. They tell the minister’s wife that nothing more will be expected of her than any other involved member, but that is rarely true. If the preacher’s wife does not show up for an event—esp. a children, youth, or womens ministry event—it will draw criticism. An elder will get cornered or called. He will then call the preacher "just to let him be aware." He is then expected to let his wife know that “a lot of people” were really disappointed . . . . If the minister’s wife is not leading VBS, the womens ministry, hosting showers (which by the way can cost ministers families a ton of money since the wife is expected at all of them), and every other event considered suitable for women, she becomes a target. This is true even if the elders say it doesn’t have to be. They cannot control the expectations of all the members. In addition, parents with children the age of the minister’s children often want their kids to be best friends with the the preacher's kids so they can save their kids. The pressure is intense for the minister's children to get along with every child and make them all feel special. The minister's children are expected to be Bible scholars, leaders, and good examples everywhere. They didn’t sign up for this and they often get rather bitter about it and act out, which only makes things worse. Oh, and if the kids turn out well, people brag on the preacher as a father and act like he gave birth to the kids and raised them alone. The preacher’s wife often doesn’t even have a name, she is introduced to people as “the preacher’s wife.”
2. The church expects the minister to put the church before his family. Everyone who calls the minister’s house in the evening, on the weekend, or in the middle of the night assumes they are the only one calling and that the minister has a special affection for them and would want to talk to them. You cannot take care of your family as a minister without disappointing and even angering people in your congregation. Knowing this, and feeling the criticism for the times the minister was not there for someone, it just gets easier to disappoint your family who will forgive you more quickly for a while. But, over time the cost builds and leads to resentment. Ministers’ wives often feel like their husbands have a mistress (the church) and they can’t compete. However, who can they talk to about this? All their friends are in the church and they don’t want to discourage them so they don’t tell anyone. The frustration builds with no way to express it.
3. The church rarely provides time away or compensation commensurate with the demands and responsibilities of the job. Ministers are hardly the only people with jobs that can be extremely demanding. Many professionals have jobs that make similar demands. The difference is that those jobs usually pay well enough that when they have time off, those people can really get away to a nice place and experience renewal. This rarely happens for ministers. Even if the money is there, the time is not. When the preacher is away, people complain and put him on a guilt trip when he gets back. “I worked for six month to get my friend to come to church and when she finally came you weren’t here!” Being tied down every weekend gets to be extremely restrictive after years pile up. If the minister is not able to negotiate sufficient time away, it will begin to take a toll on the family. If he does, he will get criticized for “being gone all the time.” “Why do we pay that guy, he is hardly ever here.”
4. Ministry means living in a fish bowl and every part of your life is up for criticism. Here is my favorite criticism we ever got. “They dress their children too nice.” Yep. My wife was sewing our children’s clothes to save money, but that didn’t matter. We’ve been accused of being child-abusers because we spanked our kids. We have been told it was our children’s responsibility, when they were as young as 9-11, to watch after the younger children at church and stop expecting someone to minister to them. I've also been criticized for caring too much about poor people. I’ve known ministers and their wives who were criticized for being “too smart, too biblical, too concerned with social justice, too moral—no joke, too concerned about racism, and too nice looking. Minister’s wives and children are always on display and everything they wear, how they drive, the expressions they make during church or class, who they talk to or don’t, who their friends are, it’s all up for public discussion. One time after I mentioned that we lived in a fish bowl, a woman in the church came up to my wife and said, “It’s time to change your water!” A little of that is tolerable. A life-time of that wears very thin.
5. Much of what the church expects seems to have little to do with what the minister and his wife believe are legitimate parts of their ministry. Most ministers and their wives (who are also ministers though without job description or pay) are doing what they do because they love the Lord and feel a call to share the good news, care for people, and make disciples. However, the expectation to be a priestly presence whose appearance conveys importance on someone’s pet ministry has nothing to do with their sense of call. If ministers and their wives could just do what they got into ministry to do, they would gladly make great sacrifices for the Kingdom of God. They probably already have. But the sacrifices demanded seem mostly to be for petty things or busywork. No one resents when the preacher gets called out at 2:00 a.m. because someone has had a fatal accident and the family needs comfort. But, when evening after evening is spoiled by needy people who want unwarranted attention to prop up their flagging egos or calm their out-of-control anxieties, it gets hard to accept.

Forgive me if this sounds like complaining. It isn’t meant that way. Most of our experience in ministry was rewarding and we were loved well by our churches—most of the time. The leadership of the churches where we worked did well to protect us as much as they could from these kinds of unrealistic expectations, but they could only control so much. Over time, I got better at learning to say “No” and living with people being unhappy with me. I once told a woman, "Look, I get up in a world where someone is angry at me every day. Today is your day." After I almost ruined my marriage in the early years, I learned to protect my family better. But, just in case you’ve ever wondered why ministers wives often look tired, seem emotionally withdraw or even cranky, this might help you understand. It also might help you to understand a question Amy once asked in an interview. “If we come here will you treat our family like members of the church or will you just view us as employees.” Then she broke down in tears. It’s a moment I’ll never forget.

5 months!

My goodness, I seriously cannot believe Graham is 5 months old.  Time is flying.  Everyone told me it would, but I seriously had no clue he'd grow this fast.  I see him with other newborns or little babies and it breaks my heart that he's not little anymore.  But, he's still my baby and he's at such a FUN age.  His little personality is really starting to shine.  Of course, a new mom, can't just choose one picture.  So, here are a few and some 5 month updates on our little guy. 

When we went to our 4 month check up, Graham was in the 90th percentile for both weight and height.  He's for sure up to 20 pounds now and is at least 27inches long.  He's taking after his daddy!  We started him on rice cereal twice a day and you can't shovel that stuff in fast enough for him.  He loves it! 

He's wearing all sorts of sizes in clothes...it all depends on where they are from.  Old Navy he's in the 6-12 month clothes.  Any Carters or any other brand though we have to buy a size up.  He's a big healthy boy! 

He has definitely found his voice!  I'll set him down on his changing table and he'll just talk and talk and talk....and scream too!  He's always so happy and really never fusses unless he's sleepy.  I think he's taking after his calm and relaxed daddy too.  I'm totally ok with that!  Everyone keeps telling me what a great baby I have...I'll take it and pray all my babies are the same!

His sleeping is really hit or miss.  Last night he slept all night from about 9-6.  We always put him down a bit later on Wednesday nights because of church and I think he's just worn out so that helps.  Sometimes he goes all night, other times he's up twice a night.  Either way, Clint and I take turns with the feedings so it's not that bad.  He always takes a good morning nap...most days we take that together on the couch.  It's one of my most favorite parts of every day.  I still rock him to sleep every night.  We were thinking about the whole, put him to bed when he's still barely awake so he'll learn to go to sleep on his own in his own crib, but I just can't seem to put him down.  Rocking with him is by far my most favorite part of the day.  He's only little and rockable for a few more months so I'm taking advantage...I'm sure I'll regret it later!

He doesn't have any teeth yet, but it will be any day, I'm sure.  His little hands are constantly in his mouth and every toy he grabs goes straight to his mouth.  He sucks on his bottom lip too, it's pretty cute! 

We're so blessed to have Graham in our lives.  We were talking just today how we remember the day we found out he was a boy, and now he's 5 months old.  It's crazy how fast it's gone.  Up next, a journal about our trip to Abilene!

Baby Laughs

Such a sweet moment to witness between Graham and his daddy.  So glad we caught it on video!

What a difference a year makes

What a difference a year makes!  This very day last year I was in Abilene for Presidential Scholar interviews.  I had been there all weekend staying with our good friends David and Amanda Pittman.  I had driven in Thursday evening, did interviews on Friday, hung out with them during the weekend and had to do interviews again on Monday before coming home.  Clint and I had been "trying" for some time at this point and I knew my cycle pretty well.  It was to come that weekend and by Sunday when it hadn't shown up yet, I knew good news was coming!  

I had to wake up pretty early for the scholarship interviews.  I remember waking up extra early though so I could take the pregnancy test.  It was about 5:30 in the morning or so.  I hopped out of bed, went straight to their bathroom and peed on the little stick.  I sat it down on the counter and just sat there with my eyes closed for a second.....sure enough when I had opened my eyes it said PREGNANT!

 I remember that I immediately started shaking.  What do I do now, I kept asking myself?  Do I call Clint and wake him up?  Do I go get David and Amanda?  Can I bend over?  My head was spinning.  I calmed down just a bit, prayed a lengthy prayer for the coming minutes, hours, days, moths, years and pretty much the rest of my lifetime.  Then, I got in the shower just as if nothing had happened.  I still had to go to work and act like nothing was up. 

I got to work that morning and remember the anytime I was talking to someone I just kept thinking....I'm pregnant, and you don't even know!  Who knows what any presidential kid said to me in their interviews that day!  I remember walking out of one interview thinking....poor kid, I have no clue if he answered any of the questions...I'll just give him a good score anyway! HaHa. 

At this point, I had to tell SOMEONE!  But I knew I wanted to tell Clint in person.  So, I walk upstairs to David's office.  I sit down in his chair, close the door and ask to talk to him.  This happened a lot when we both lived in Abilene so it was nothing new.  I said....."David, say Amanda is out of town staying with her best friends.  She thinks something is up so she decides to take a pregnancy test early that morning at their house.  Then, it's positive.  Would you want her to call you before she gets home that night or wait to tell you in person?" 

David sits there for a second and says...."Well, in person would always be cool....umm...wait...this isn't hypothetical is it?"  NOPE!  We then proceed to laugh and cry and all at the same time.  He convinces me that in person later that night would be the best way to tell Clint.  I'm still a little sad that Clint wasn't the first person to know, but I couldn't go the next 8 hours without telling anyone!!!

So, I go throughout the day with my head in the clouds.  I have no clue how I made the 2 1/2 hour drive home that day.  When I got home, Clint had the house picked up and was ready to watch TV with me on the couch.  I get in my comfy clothes and we sit down ready to watch TV.  I say to him...."What was the best part of your weekend away from me?"  He said..."The moment you came through the door just now...." 

He's precious.

At this point I was ready for him to ask me the same question....but...he wasn't picking it up.  I say, "Aren't you going to ask me?"  Oh yeah.....so I draw it out.....I said, "Seeing the Pittmans is always good, reconnecting with my students is always fun, and then this morning I took this and it told me we're pregnant!!!!

I pulled the test out from under my shirt and he just stared at me with a blank face.  He immediately leaped off the couch, put his hands on his head and stood with his back to me for about a minute.  At this point, I was thinking he was mad at me for not telling him all day....in fact, I had actually told him that my cycle had started when we were on the phone earlier! 

But as soon as he turned around, tears were streaming down his face and he kept saying....are you sure?  You're positive?  Do you have another test so I can see it?  I did have another test so I took it right in front of him.  Again....PREGNANT! 

 We sat on the couch for the next few hours just crying, laughing, praying, and then doing all of that all over again.  It was one of the best days of our lives.  We were blessed then and we are even more blessed now.  What a fun day that was and a fun secret to keep for a few weeks until we knew everything checked out ok. 

Now, we have the most precious 4 month old that anyone could ask for.  He's talking, laughing, smiling and has the sweetest disposition of any baby I've ever known.  January 24th is a day to remember! 

Back to work

Well, the day came and went...the day I went back to work.  Having those 15 weeks off to get to know Graham were simply amazing.  I'm so blessed that I was allowed 12 weeks maternity leave and then got an extra few due to the holidays being in there.  But, back to reality now.  Our schedule really isn't that bad, I have to keep telling myself that.  Clint's off on Mondays so he takes care of G while I work.  Then G goes to a sitter on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-4.  Last Thursday was our first time to drop him off.  I was a mess, but luckily had meetings all day to keep my mind off of it.  Today was the 2nd day I dropped him off and I was completely fine.  He's in good hands, sweet hands, the perfect person for our family!  I prayed and prayed for this situation and I'm so blessed that it worked out just perfectly.  Look at cute little G before church on Sunday.  I can't get enough of him! 

This is cousin Owen and Graham during Christmas.  Such cute boys, Owen will be 2 in March. 

I sat G up by himself the other day.  This lasted a whole half of a second, but it was worth a shot. 

And here's my little man today right before I took him to Miss Brenda.  What a cutie.  

So, I give kudos to all you working moms out there.  It's tough leaving those little ones with someone else.  But I will say it's been good to use my adult brain again!

I've been doing some research about the next car seat for Graham.  What do you other experienced moms like?  He's about 16 pounds now so I don't think he'll last too much longer in his infant car seat and I want to be prepared with a new one when he's ready.  So, opinions please! 

Christmas Recap

Christmas was much more fun this year with Graham in our lives.  It's disappointing that he didn't get ANY presents from his grandparents...huge sarcasm there!  We're definitely going to have to invest in some sort of chest or toy box soon due to all the gifts he received. We had a blessed time in Altus and Amarillo this year with both of our families.  It was so fun to spend the holiday with Graham.  Here are a few pics of our week and a half holiday!

ReeRees with Graham and Caroline in their Christmas attire.

Daddy and Graham after his Christmas morning sermon.

Pop and Caroline and Graham in their matching Christmas pjs.

My grandmother with her 3 great grand kids; Caroline, Sadie and Graham.  Such a sweet picture.

 Over the holidays, Graham turned 3 months.  It's crazy how time flies!  He's such a big and happy boy.  He weighs about 16 pounds right now and is probably about 25 inches long, he's definitely going to take after his daddy!  He's sleeping at least 5-6 hours at night, wakes up for a feeding and then goes right back to sleep.  He's awake and ready to play by 7:30 usually.  He takes short naps in the mornings, but usually takes a long nap in the afternoon. 

 He loves his musical play mat that he got for Christmas.  He kicks at the piano and swings his hands at the toys usually for a good 20 minutes in the mornings.  We've put him in his jumper a few times and I know he'll love that soon.  He's definitely found his voice and will coo and coo at you when he's in a good mood.  His smile will melt your heart into a million pieces.  He's such a happy baby.  He really only cries when he's hungry or fighting sleep. 

 He's grabbing at toys and LOVES his hands.  They are constantly in his mouth.  If the TV is on, then he's watching it....I'm not a huge fan of this, but it's funny to watch how mesmerized he gets at all the movement on the screen. 

 See, just look at that smile!  He's wearing size 2 diapers and takes infant formula.  He usually eats about every 2-3 hours during the day.  We pulled out some baby pictures of Clint over the holidays and he definitely looks like his daddy.  I'm ok with that :). 

 I'm headed back to work this week.  I was so blessed to take the entire fall semester off to stay home with Graham.  I cherished that time.  We have a lady from church who is going to watch him 2 afternoons a week so I can concentrate on work then the other times he'll work with me from home!  Again, so blessed. 

He got this mobile for Christmas.  I was against mobiles when he was first born, I basically didn't like how it looked in his room....but opinions change when you see how much he likes it!  All in all, we're one happy family.  I can't imagine life any other way.  Blessings in 2012!